three surprises

Today was full of surprises, but three of them stood out the most.

This morning, rush hour decided not to be so difficult, so I got to work 30 minutes early. I sat in my car and read some devotionals.

When I felt "ready" to go on into work, I got out of the car and was immediately greeted by my bosses' bosses' bosses' boss ... a company VP. I had no idea who she was at first.

As we stood there in the parking lot, she introduced herself and shook my hand. Not only did she already know my name, but she complimented me over how I handled a situation during my first week there. I was shocked! That's surprise #1.

At the end of the work day, my coworker (mentioned in this other post) who had refused to speak to me for three weeks -- actually spoke to me! As she got up to leave today, I turned my head to say "Have a good night" -- but she beat me to it! She said it first. I was shocked again! That's surprise #2.

I'm grateful to be sober, because if I had been drinking, I: 1) wouldn't have this job anyway; 2) wouldn't have handled the VP-mentioned situation properly; and 3) would not have responded appropriately to my coworker's silence.

Those were just little things, but sometimes little things carry unexpected significance.

Then I went to a Step Study meeting tonight. It was on Step 3: "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

We read a part out of the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions that hit me hard:

" ... Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God -- or if you like, a Higher Power -- into our lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives" (p.34).

I have felt for a long time that I had already taken steps 1-3 "in my heart". But tonight I saw that my thinking has been full of self-will.

For example, I haven't been working with a sponsor. Why? I blamed it on several things. They're too hard to find. I don't have time. I asked about a dozen people in the past two months and they all turned me down or referred me to someone else because they don't have time for another sponsee. I was scared of being rejected again. But all of those reasons could be summed up with one word: "pride". If I had been more humble, I would not have let excuses stand in the way, and I would have asked many more people instead of my selective few.

It is only by taking action that I can cut away self-will ... hrmm ...

So after the Step Study meeting -- which was a HUGE meeting with about 100 people -- I stuck around and asked someone what I needed to do to get a sponsor. I had never asked about getting sponsor at this particular meeting before. I was shocked when the actual lady I asked was willing to give me a shot! That's surprise #3.

Surprise #4 will be if she decides to keep me! Or perhaps that would be a blessing of God's grace instead.


Today, I'm especially grateful for ...

• being 201 days sober
• realizing that my ideas have been wrong
• finding someone who was willing to sponsor me
• experiencing a day of surprises
• God, who somehow has this all planned out