"let there be jerks"

If only God had left that ingredient out!

Just checking in. Still alive. Still sober. Don't have anything else to say ...

happy thanksgiving

"Where's Big Bird?"

My favorite Thanksgiving picture.

Tonight's meeting turned into a gratitude meeting, which makes most people squirm in their seats and want to leave. I'm not sure why people are so aversive . I guess once you've heard one gratitude meeting, you've heard them all.

Sometimes it helps to hear someone else share about their gratitude. They point out things that I've taken for granted.

Like one of my friends can eat now. He had a tube in his stomach last Thanksgiving due to chemo. He couldn't eat for almost a whole year. I've never had that kind of medical problem, so that's something I take for granted.

Another friend is no longer having to coordinate getting her teenage son in and out of jail and into and out of treatment centers. I don't have any kids or family members in that situation, so that's something I take for granted.

And everyone really has something unique to say ... but I don't really feel like I have anything unique to contribute.

Looking back over the past year through this blog, I can see how I have changed. Some is positive and some is negative. I've learned what I need to do to grow and to be happy. But my thinking tends to be more cynical. (But I call it "realistic" ... the truth is, life is a mixture of good and bad things. In the end, it fulfills an ultimately good purpose. But the bad parts really suck.)

I'm thankful to be sober, to have my family, to have friends, to have a relationship with God, to have a job, to have a roof over my head, to have good health, and to occasionally have the clarity to find gratitude for things overlooked.

the lost Dr. Seuss poem

I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, she is the best!
I love her boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location,
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And piles of paper that grow each day!

I think my job is really swell,
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won't care.
I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job - I'll say it again -
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!!!

Thank God for meetings ... I'm about to snap.

Actually, my boss is great. And her bosses are great. It's just the rest of the company (and the mean, cruel policies) that I can't stand.

I have one of those Human Resources positions where I constantly witness extreme disparity.

One minute, a clerk making $6/hour calls to ask why she wasn't issued any vacation for the year, because she hurt her back and our company doesn't provide Sick time to clerks. I have to explain that she didn't work enough hours to earn the vacation ... she missed it by a few hours. She complains, asks me how she's going to pay her bills, and hangs up scared.

The next minute, a millionaire executive calls to complain that he was only issued 4 weeks of vacation instead of 6 -- and how is that $250,000 bonus going to affect his 401-k? I want to beat the bloody hell out of him, and let the clerk throw a few punches too.

The disparity pisses me off. The policies are bullshit. They're designed to make the rich richer and the poor poorer. I simply can't put up with it anymore. It's wrong. It isn't fair.

I understand that every company operates like this, but I wish I worked in a position where I didn't have to see it. Because when I see it, I want to do something to fix it ... but I can't. Nobody listens, nobody cares.

And that sucks.

I'm not cut out for this type of job. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I can't wait to leave.

and lo, the overtime cometh

It's that time of year at work again. That wonderful time of year. Our jobs -- no -- our very lives -- exist for the sole purpose of making it happen.

The first half of the year is spent recovering from last year's event. The third quarter is spent in preparation for the current year's event. The fourth quarter is the event itself.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is now "The Busy Season".

The stress affects people in different ways. Some people leave the company, others drink, and others cower under their desks in a fetal position until it's all over.

There will be casualties in this fierce office warfare. But there will also be heroes.

A perseverant few will remain to fight on the front lines. They will brave the savage domestic battles for meeting rooms, parking spaces, administrative jurisdiction, and coffee. They will assist bewildered customers, beguile stubborn computers, wrestle renegade staplers, and supplicate jammed copiers.

The thrill of victory is theirs! They will make miracles happen!

They will all probably get laid off next year, but that isn't the point ...

The relevant point is -- this will be a schedule change for me. I will still be able to go to my regular meetings, but I might fall asleep through them. "Quiet time" will be non-existent. I will eat, sleep, and breathe "work" until next year.

In some ways, I welcome this change. In other ways, I dread it.

Either way, I am where I am for a reason ... and that's a good thing.

laugh

rent-a-sponsor

I came across this mock-advertisement in the meeting binder for my homegroup. Thought it was funny, and someone else out there might like it!

my workdays aren't so bad after all

Over the past few weeks, work hasn't been all that great. I was tempted to feel sorry for myself.

Then I came across this video.

The poor weather man is truly, truly, TRULY having a much worse workday than I've ever had!

Click Play to watch below, or [Click Here] to view at Google Video.

Okay, I don't feel sorry for myself anymore! I love my job and I'm not so bad at it!

thx simpsons parody

You know the THX sound system advertisement often seen at the beginning of movies? I thought this was a pretty funny parody of it.

Click Play below or [Click Here] to view at Google Video.

'tis the day before thanksgiving ...

"Umm, has anyone seen Big Bird?"

ultimate fighting championship

WOW -- this has got to be the best UFC fight ever! Either click "Play" below, or [click here] to view at YouTube.

(Works best on fast connection)

Darth Vader Calls the Emperor

Haha -- this video is hilarious! Star Wars lovers everywhere will get a kick out of this one.

Click Play on the video below, or [click here] to watch it at Google Video.

Hope you like it :)

the most important prayer EVER

Dear God,

As I go through this difficult day,

Please keep your arm around my shoulders,

and your hand over my mouth.

Fhmph-amen!

It's been an interesting past couple of weeks, and what a long strange trip it's been. I desperately need to learn how to shut up. I wish they had a way to remove a person's ability to communicate. I need to have my ability to communicate removed for several months. Maybe a year. Maybe longer.

Maybe some surgeons could temporarily remove the part of my brain used for communication. That's kind of drastic though ...

Perhaps I could start a fashion craze by wearing duct tape over my mouth and non-removable mittens on my hands so that I can't type or write. But then, I suppose, I'd simply find a way to type with my toes ...

Okay, well maybe I just need to grow. (Onoz! ANYTHING but that!)

It looks I'll be needing this prayer more than any other for a long, long time.

Save me!

I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

-Homer Simpson

Another reason to stay sober ...

Here's a funny image from www.toothpastefordinner.com:


Stay sober, because nobody likes a drunk!

The Ultimate Cola+Mentos Experiment

Okay, so hundreds of videos have been posted all over the internet showing the "fizz rockets" that can be created from the violent reaction of adding mentos candy into a bottle of cola.

But this chick has decided to show how it's really not so impressive after all -- by mixing the two ingredients in her stomach.

[Click Here] to see the Google Video. (1 min, 3 sec)

Note: The end might surprise you! ;)

Ad Spoof

The Unexpected

God, grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can't accept ...

... and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Theme Parks: With Guys

Just spent the entire day riding roller coasters at a popular nearby theme park. And wow. It was awesome!

This was the first time I've gone to a theme park with a group of guys. It's quite a different experience than going with a group of girls.

With guys, you get to ride more coasters. They look at the map, come up with a battle plan for tackling the coolest rides, then they execute the plan. Bam! All the rides ridden within a few hours. The entire park has been conquered!

But us ladies just waste the whole day sitting around "deciding" what to do. Sample conversation:

"Do you want to ride this one?"

"I don't know. It looks okay."

"Well wait there's that one over there. It looks fun too."

(Both rides are designed for toddlers!)

"Sure, whichever ride looks cool."

"Okay which ride should we do first?"

"Well that one is the closest ... "

"Oh this reminds me of the time I came here with my cousins when I was a kid! [Insert long, sappy, boring story here]"

"Wow, that really happened? That's cool. So which ride do you want again?"

"Ooooh! An ice cream booth! Let's get ice cream!"

"Okay ..."

By the end of the day, you've been on one moderately cool coaster, ridden a bunch of stupid rides for toddlers, and you've consumed enough softdrinks and ice cream to reverse global warming. You spent the entire day having conversations that you could have had at home or at the mall. You leave the park with a mental list of which coasters to ride "next time".

No offense to the ladies, but it's simply much more fun to go to theme parks with guys :P

Thanks for making things fun, guys! (And thanks for letting me tag along)



Today, I'm especially grateful for ...

• being 61 days sober
• staying sober today (I really wanted to drink)
• sunscreen. I would be burnt to a crisp without it!
• my precious and generous boyfriend
• my loving and understanding family
• my adorable and excited puppy
• God, who kept us all safe today as we hurtled through the air at top speed on rickety tracks

Never too Late

Vroom, VROOM! Go grandma!

Today, I'm grateful for:

• being 54 days sober!
• humor. What would the world be like without humor? (Scary thought!)
  
• this quote from the Big Book: "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others."
• the exciting new guy in my life
• my patient family
• my unbelievably adorable puppy
• AA friends, online and off
• the incredibly patient people who keep coming back to read my blog
• God, whose ways are so far above my own, I'm left befuddled
  

Ultimate "Parking" Car

... because it's time to post something cool :)

[Click Here to See Google Video] or play below (11 seconds):