wax on, wax off

In reference to the previous post, I'm not going to "transform" myself into what this guy expects me to. I need to learn to love myself. No more "Chameleon Soul". If he wants someone else, then he needs to find someone else.

Right now, the purpose of my life is to stay sober and work the steps. Nothing else matters.

I have a job interview tomorrow. It will be my first post-college interview that I will be doing sober. I couldn't care less about the job. I don't feel emotionally capable of handling a job yet anyway. I hope I don't get it. I'm really not ready.

The funny thing is, the other day I was driving to an AA meeting in tears because I was so upset by my boyfriend's words. I was chewing myself out for being such a loser. I just knew that nobody would want to hire someone like me, and even if they did, I would just have a nervous breakdown and wind up drunk on the first day.

Right then, my cell phone rang. It was a company that I didn't even apply to, and they were interested in me for a position. I don't know if that's God's "burning bush" for me or what. So I'll go through their interview tomorrow and see what happens. God's will will happen.

I've been going to two meetings every day this week, trying to keep balanced and stay sober. It's been a very upsetting week. Thank God for meetings. I'd be drunk right now without them.

Sobriety first ... do the next right thing ... to thine own self be true ... breathe in, breathe out ... don't drink ...