Sober since April 6, 2006

That's
days

Thursday, January 18, 2007

looking back ...

Here's the Daily Reflection for 1/18:

WOULD A DRINK HELP?

"By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 23

When I was still drinking, I couldn't respond to any of life's situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinking -- or again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery.


I read that Daily Reflection this morning and it brought back so many memories. I remember when the smallest little upset would trigger desperate desire to drink -- and that need to drink was as real and as urgent as the need to breathe.

If I didn't get my way, I needed a drink. If I felt left out, I needed a drink. If I was stressed out, I needed a drink. If I felt guilty, I needed a drink. If I felt drunk, I needed a drink. If I didn't feel drunk, I needed a drink. If I woke up alive and breathing that morning, I needed a drink.

If no alcohol was around, panic would set in. The desperate panic would grow increasingly worse until I finally took a drink. I simply could not function without alcohol.

Today, I'm grateful that I no longer need a drink. I don't need one for the small stuff OR for the big stuff. I can experience life and all the stuff it throws at me without even thinking of a drink.

What a miracle.

9 comments:

Carly said...

I LOVE today's DR. I love your post. I could have written it. Yes, being sober *IS* a miracle.

Recovering Wino said...

Amen!

I have a sister in law right now who is still in denial, and it is insanity looking at it from this side in...

Trudging said...

I remember when the smallest little upset would trigger desperate desire to drink -- and that need to drink was as real and as urgent as the need to breathe. Yep, I can relate

Sober Chick said...

Yes with that obsession tamed down you now have time to see and experience the world!

Anonymous said...

Hey Llama lover..In the old days the AA folks would all pile in the car and go listen to a man speak who became a big influnce an early AA.His name was Dr. Emmit Fox.May be your sponcer has mentioned his Book "The Sermon of the Mount".Anyway,there is a daily meditation book titled "Around the year with Emmit Fox" Keep it in mind.I think you would really like it. Got to go love a llama now.Bye

Anonymous said...

sorry made mistake thats "Emmet".No I.No I is good right?

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

So true, so true. Every little incidents will be made an excuse to smoke 'h...'

I'm glad I comes back to live. Great post. Keep on posting, tkdjunkie.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Cool. thats as it should be. Neither I nor my sponsees ever think of drinking. It is weird isnt it? After what seems like a lifetime of wanting to self medicate with alcohol in response to any stressful situation. But thats how the big book tells us we are supposed to feel about alcohol after step 9. (on page 84)
I think you are doing just fine. (I know you worry that you are not sometimes!) Keep up the good work!

recoveryroad said...

If no alcohol was around, panic would set in. The desperate panic would grow increasingly worse until I finally took a drink. I simply could not function without alcohol.

Yup. Me too. And it's still a novelty, even after nearly three years, to find I can face anything without a skinful of booze.