Sober since April 6, 2006


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

three surprises

Today was full of surprises, but three of them stood out the most.

This morning, rush hour decided not to be so difficult, so I got to work 30 minutes early. I sat in my car and read some devotionals.

When I felt "ready" to go on into work, I got out of the car and was immediately greeted by my bosses' bosses' bosses' boss ... a company VP. I had no idea who she was at first.

As we stood there in the parking lot, she introduced herself and shook my hand. Not only did she already know my name, but she complimented me over how I handled a situation during my first week there. I was shocked! That's surprise #1.

At the end of the work day, my coworker (mentioned in this other post) who had refused to speak to me for three weeks -- actually spoke to me! As she got up to leave today, I turned my head to say "Have a good night" -- but she beat me to it! She said it first. I was shocked again! That's surprise #2.

I'm grateful to be sober, because if I had been drinking, I: 1) wouldn't have this job anyway; 2) wouldn't have handled the VP-mentioned situation properly; and 3) would not have responded appropriately to my coworker's silence.

Those were just little things, but sometimes little things carry unexpected significance.

Then I went to a Step Study meeting tonight. It was on Step 3: "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

We read a part out of the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions that hit me hard:

" ... Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God -- or if you like, a Higher Power -- into our lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives" (p.34).

I have felt for a long time that I had already taken steps 1-3 "in my heart". But tonight I saw that my thinking has been full of self-will.

For example, I haven't been working with a sponsor. Why? I blamed it on several things. They're too hard to find. I don't have time. I asked about a dozen people in the past two months and they all turned me down or referred me to someone else because they don't have time for another sponsee. I was scared of being rejected again. But all of those reasons could be summed up with one word: "pride". If I had been more humble, I would not have let excuses stand in the way, and I would have asked many more people instead of my selective few.

It is only by taking action that I can cut away self-will ... hrmm ...

So after the Step Study meeting -- which was a HUGE meeting with about 100 people -- I stuck around and asked someone what I needed to do to get a sponsor. I had never asked about getting sponsor at this particular meeting before. I was shocked when the actual lady I asked was willing to give me a shot! That's surprise #3.

Surprise #4 will be if she decides to keep me! Or perhaps that would be a blessing of God's grace instead.

Today, I'm especially grateful for ...
  • being 201 days sober
  • realizing that my ideas have been wrong
  • finding someone who was willing to sponsor me
  • experiencing a day of surprises
  • God, who somehow has this all planned out


Hippychick said...

Congrats on 201 days!


XOXO Hippychick

Trudging said...

Wow good for you for your car devotional time. Between that an the good stuff at work it really sounds like God is working in your life.

Anonymous said...

I've been sober a year and nine months, but have only been to one meeting and it freaked me out. More because I couldn't believe I was there, rather than anything in the meeting itself.

I've seen from your posts that you don't find sharing easy, and I'm sure i wouldn't either. How did you get the courage to go in the first place?

recoveryroad said...

I like #1 and #2 in the workplace. I understand how hard the workplace can be, even when we're sober.

Congrats on 201 days: ODAAT.

Thanks for your kind words at my place.


K .x.

Diego said...

Great post....hope it works out for you and you're right where you are because God is in charge.....

SCoUt said...

"We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives" (p.34)."
This one always hits me hard. Almost takes my breath away sometimes.
I am sooooooooooo glad to hear you got a sponsor! Maybe you will revisit Steps 1-3 with her now that you have her????
Congrats on days 202, girl!

tkdjunkie said...

Hi, Anonymous

I'm glad to hear that you're sober! It's tough to get sober, and even tougher to stay that way.

If you're curious about AA, I strongly suggest reading through the Big Book. [Click Here] to browse through an online version.

I read that book before coming to my first AA meeting, and it gave me the strength I needed to go to my first meeting.

Some AA groups can seem intimidating, while others are much more welcoming. I've felt cut off at a few groups but completely embraced at other groups. It really helps to visit many different groups. You never know when you might find something that wonderfully suits your unique personality and needs.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that everyone at these meetings has the same problem that I do. Sometiems I expect them to behave like my conception of an AA group, not like recovering alcoholics who have problems just like me. And that's an expectation of mine that I'm learning to eliminate.

Thanks for posting! Why not give that Big Book a read?

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Hello there tkdjunkie. Well done on the 203 days. You're very articulate in your blog entries I have to say! I confess I was very perfectionistic in my pursuit of the best sponsor I could find, but I do not regret my approach. In the end I had to settle for (what I considered to be) an inferior choice, as the one I wanted was too busy. But it all worked out in the end. I got the recovery I craved and was convinced I would never achieve. It works DESPITE ourselves. Thank god!

To poor old Anonymous that posted earlier..
Keep coming back! Its better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be 'out there', pretending you're not! If you find either a meeting that is specially for newcomers or a meeting with lots of long time sober members you can talk to them after the meeting over coffee somewhere and I'm sure they will try and answer your questions. If that's too intimidating for you, why don't you call an AA helpline and ask your questions over the phone with a member of AA?

tkdjunkie said...

Thanks everybody -- and welcome Irish Friend :)

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Thank you tkdjunkie for your comment. If its any use, my prognosis for your recovery is very good. If you carry on doing what you are doing I think you will do very well. You seem to be trying very hard to grasp what aa is asking of you, which is the best long term plan of action. In my opinion, anyway. Thank you for your cyber hospitality!

Mary Christine said...

"Those were just little things, but sometimes little things carry unexpected significance"
These are HUGE! Thanks for sharing these wonderful things that happen to a person who is staying sober!

Sober Chick said...

What a day full of wonderful surprises.

Designer Girl said...

I agree completely with Mary Christine. These are huge! And I can't believe you are just now getting a sponsor. I mean that in a good way. You've already shown so much growth. I can't wait to see what happens now that you'll have someone directly guiding you! That's AWESOME!

Gwen said...

Wow what a really great day you had. No I mean it, really. Especially getting a sponsor to top off the day. Very cool.