Sober since April 6, 2006

That's
days

Thursday, August 24, 2006

... and the steam releases

What's a person supposed to do when they have no ambition, goals, dreams, or purpose?

I'm totally stuck right now. People keep giving me job ideas. "Do you wanna do this? That? The other?" The answers are "No, no, no."

I have a bachelor's degree in business management. We learned tiny bits of accounting, economics, finance, business law, marketing, and business management, but not enough of any one topic to actually perform it in a job setting, so the degree is completely useless.

(Hey, what do you expect when U.S. universities require you to waste the first two years of your four-year degree with worthless off-topic classes in english, history, art, science, and other electives? How can people graduate from a university with the ability to perform jobs within their chosen fields when the time spent learning those chosen fields is cut in half with stupid electives that were already learned in high school? They aren't even four-year degrees at all. They're really just two-year degrees since the first two years are completely wasted in review of old material!)

Since my business degree is worthless, I could consider going into other fields.

Healthcare is a dramatically growing field with skyrocketing labor demand, but it's so depressing. I don't understand how anyone can emotionally handle it.

Teachers are the most underpaid/underappreciated people in the U.S., so education is not an option. Working with kids means getting sick all the time and watching numbskull parents traumatize innocent children through their shoddy parenting. I'm tired of witnessing that. It's depressing.

I'm not smart enough to do engineering or anything with computers, so that's not an option.

Nobody can earn a living as an artist or musician unless they miraculously hit stardom, so that's not an option.

I can't go into construction or any other trade. I have no idea how to do anything, and I'm probably not physically strong enough to do the work anyway.

Law (at least, in the U.S.) is nothing more than a maze of bureaucratic red tape designed to set murderers, rapists, and child molesters free to inflict even MORE harm on innocent people. I don't want any part in that.

Law enforcement is out. I don't have the personality for it. If you step on my foot in an elevator, I'll apologize to you for my foot being in your way. I'm a wuss.

Starting a home business is out. You at least need to have ambition for that. I have no ambition. Plus the odds of success are against you: your chances of surviving the first year are only around 20-30%. Of the businesses that survive the first year, only half will survive to five years. So yeah, that's not a viable option. Might as well win the lottery.

Jeez, what else is there?

I could always work in retail and get treated like the scum of the earth by management and customers alike. Oh, I tried that for ten years. It drove me to a nervous breakdown. I can't do that anymore.

These options seem less and less appealing each time I think about them.

But the alternative is living at home, freeloading off my parents while hating myself for being such a complete loser. That's what I'm doing now. It sucks. But it doesn't suck as bad as working in retail. Oh God anything but retail!

What are you supposed to do when all the options suck?

Meh, I know the answer to that: "If you can't change your circumstances, change yourself." But that just pisses me off even more. All I've been doing for the past ten years is trying to change myself.

It never, ever ends, does it?

10 comments:

Gwen said...

When my husband finally finished shool I was about 8 months pregnant. He, because of his addiction, was on the ten year plan. His major was art education. When he did his student teaching it sucked. He hated it and his department head said he was not ready to teach. He sat devastated that he just spent ten years getting this degree and now what?

I encouraged him to go take a class about finding the right career for you. I told him tons and tons of people end up doing something they did not go to school for. He took the class and found out what his strengths were and interests and finally came to a place he was excited about.

Your life will unfold. Just keep doing the foot work.

Peace out to ya~

dAAve said...

My degree is in Health & Physical Education. I taught one year and then accidentally got into the oil industry. I spent 20 years in that industry and then retired at 48. But I always worked, doing something.
There's 200,000,000 employed people in the USA. I'm sure there's something out there for you that you'll love. It seems like you are creating reasons not to want to do anything, if I may be so bold as to make that comment.
Turn that attitude around and make something happen.
Most importantly, stay sober. Good things happen.

eight20eight said...

You know when I was somewhat new in the program I had a hard time realizing I was exactly where I needed to be in life.

Anonymous said...

I was really encouraged by your car story the other night. I was having a tough day and getting down on myself and focusing on what I don't have or what I lack. However your car story really reminded me of how blessed I am and even what little or alot that I have is really all from God and can totally be used to make a different.

I know things are really tough for you right now from what it sounds, but I think you were on the right track in assessing all the blessings that you have:

- A God who will never leave you nor forsake you
- parents who are alive and healthy and love you with all they know how
- a puppy dog who loves so much and doesn't hurt anyone
- a boyfriend who supports you and encourages you, many people can't even get a dates or aren't asked out for one for whatever reason

You have such a strong foundation and you don't even see it. Many people like immigrants from far countries in Asia come here with nothing and no support yet after much hard work, determination and faith in God doing those things through them; life gets better.

The way I see it, it's not too late for you, you have a great start relateive to many people. Please don't give up. I know it sucks, but I can tell by how you write and the heart that God seems to have given you; it's just a matter of time and STEADY determination for you to STEP BY STEP get into the right career field.

Perhaps talking to someone who has struggled with the job thing and later was led through it to other side could be helpful as they may have pointers?

You can do it! you have Jesus Christ on yourside and it seems like he's wanting to grow & mature you for something wonderful in the near future.

Peace Be With You.

Trudging said...

Have you prayed about your job situation?

Trudging said...

and I am not so sure your degree is worthless

simsample said...

I think you should set up an internet counselling service. You are really good with computers and web stuff (don't you dare say you're not clever enough for something- we all know you can do anything you put your mind to!), and also you have an innate empathy and understanding of what makes people tick. This is what you have learned through your own experiences- you would be good at guiding other people through difficult times. Either that or become a TKD tutor!

Anonymous said...

i got list of home business.. anyone can do
http://www.gr8click.com/moneymaker.htm

Sober Chick said...

I bet if you look really hard people already holding these jobs are very fullfilled and happy. Why? Because they don't allow a job to determine their happiness. Just remeber that your worth and purpose is not defined by a certificate or amount of pay. You can discover excitement and purpose in all of these jobs that you explore.

tkdjunkie said...

Thanks everybody for your insights and advice. I've been really confused lately concerning the negative emotions regarding the job issue, and writing it all out has helped identify some problem areas to work on.

Drinking is not an option ... that's the most important thing.

Thanks again :)