Sober since April 6, 2006


Friday, March 24, 2006

Why Nobody Should EVER Work in Retail

Some of the things I have observed over the years while working in retail:

Your company hates you. Who? You. You who? Who are you? And why are you tresspassing on company property? We're going to call the polic--- err, wait a minute. You work here? Why aren't you WORKING? GET TO WORK!

Your bosses don't trust you or care about you.

Your childish coworkers are intimidated by you and do whatever it takes to publicly humiliate you so that they feel better about themselves.

You are expected to be on your feet on a hard concrete floor for 9-hour shifts every weekend, but you're only allowed one unpaid 30-minute break during the day to rest, eat, and use the bathroom.

If you get hurt while doing your job, your bosses tell you to suck it up and get back to work. If they really like you, they will let you get back to work after the bleeding stops.

Your company routinely advertises items at INSANELY low prices and won't allow rainchecks or substitutions -- but it only ships you two items to sell -- which leaves customers pissed off at YOU PERSONALLY when you don't have any left.

Your company inflates prices the day before something goes "On Sale" -- so the "Sale" price is actually the regular price. Then you feel like a dirty scumbag when little old grandmas on welfare come in and think they're getting a good deal. You know they aren't, but you'd get fired if you told them the truth.

Your company completely ignores market trends -- so even though hundreds of customers come in asking for a particular item every day -- you will NEVER carry that item. Why? Just because.

You are expected to run your entire department with no help -- never mind the fact that there are five customers needing help at any given time, and the phone is ringing off the hook, and you have 26 more things to complete on your bosses "To Do" list before you close in 10 minutes. You can't stay late to finish your checklist, and if it isn't finished, you will suffer "corrective action". The customers are still glaring at you. The phone is still ringing. You have ten minutes ...

You are expected to lie to customers and convince them that they need overpriced accessories for their purchases -- even when they don't need them. If you don't meet your scam quota for the day, you are ridiculed.

If you can't sell a $25 extended warranty on a $50 gadget, your boss will bring it to the attention of all your coworkers, who will take turns laughing at you -- because apparently they have no problem selling $25 extended warranties on $50 gadgets. You're the idiot.

Your customers treat you like dirt. They ask for your advice, then turn around and say "Heh, what does she know? She works in retail! Hahaha!"

If you're lucky enough to be working during bank hours (Monday - Friday, 9am - 5pm), you might catch a glimpse of someone in an expensive suit from the "Corporate Office". He will stiffly glance down at you on occasion, and without a word, sweep his white-gloved finger across the backside of a shelf (which nobody can see) to show you the dust that you haven't cleaned. He glares at you, and then your boss jumps to mimic him and glares at you too. Obviously, the dust on the back of the shelf caused the company's stock to tumble 3% last week. Shame on you!

You get paid minimum wage to slave for these jerks every weekend and holiday.

Given all of the above conditions: You are expected to be chipper, upbeat, energetic, and enthusiastic every MINUTE that you are at work. Forget to smile to one customer, and that will be the ONE customer out of a million who will notice and decide to complain to your manager ... who will administer corrective action, and expect you to return to work with genuine enthusiasm.

And I *swear* that all companies automatically blacklist any job applicant with retail in their work history: "Oh! You have a college degree in just what we were looking for -- errr, OOPS! ...... I'm sorry, but you worked as a grocery store cashier in September of 1992. We have no positions available for losers like you. The security guard will escort you off our property. Have a nice day." Then they spray everything you touched with disinfectant after you leave -- as if you're some sort of leper.

Plastic smiles powered by caffeine, aspirin, and gallons of Prozac.

I'm sick of it and I want out, dammit.

Take my advice:


1 comment:

Victoria said...

wow..... I think you had a bad day. :-(

BTW, I personally know in FACT that they love you there. Besides Mr. Idiot Dorkified AJ, everybody loves you (highest respect) there! :-)