Sober since April 6, 2006

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

Letting Go

"Letting him go" so that he can be happier without you is a painful thing to do. I said I'd let go ... but I guess I haven't -- because if I had really "let go", it wouldn't hurt so much.

I feel like part of me is dead. Even if I could "get involved" with something else -- a new hobby, a new job, a new anything -- there's a huge gaping hole left behind.

Bitterness is tempting. The futile desire to go back in time and redo EVERYTHING is overpowering. Frustration with myself is overwhelming. Downright hatred alternates with sad memories of lost love and the realization that things simply "didn't work out". Whatever consolation that's supposed to bring ...

I existed before meeting him. I have no idea how.

4 comments:

Jim said...

Time and living life will help to release you from the person you can no longer be with. The spaces will in time be filled in with other impotant people and events. Time needs to pass for your suffering to fade, and
while it's true that you're unable let go, life has its ways of helping a person to move on. I fell in love once with a woman that didn't love me, and I felt such desperation for a long time after she broke up with me. I believe that love never dies and I will always love her, but I've learned to pay closser attention to the fact that there are others in my life who I love and who love me. It feels like all is lost but that's not the ultimate reality. This is important, no one person has it all as far as love is concerned. Maybe your pain speaks of how much you trusted, how much you believed and hoped or how much you enjoyed the relationship you had. You will learn new ways to be carefull about your decisions, feelings/emotions. You're very attractive and If I were not currently in a relationship Id persue you myself!!! Ok I'll get down from the podium now

Victoria said...

Sweetie.... Usually when there is a death, there is a funeral. There are other people around to comfort you, hug you, love you, assure you that everything will be okay. It doesn't fix anything, but it's a healing balm for your heart. You close the coffin lid and say a forever goodbye. There is so much pain, but it is shared by your loved ones and at the same time, you feel a certain "Yet God is with me" feeling. A broken heart but deep down inside you know that all is well.

With a broken love relationship, though, it's really different. The "death" is there. The finality of an end is overwhelming and a feeling of gloom and doom prevails. There is no funeral. There are no friends and loved ones crying with you, comforting you, assuring you that everything will be okay. There is no coffin, no scriptures uttered to soothe your soul and assist in your transition as you grieve. It's a desolate, lonely feeling that is like the black hole in outer space. A vast nothingness that is filled with only tears and lonliness. A sense of being all alone and lost..... complete defeat.

Time will bring about your healing. Time and a very steadfast clinging to God to see you through. Sweetie, we cannot bear our burdens alone. That is why Jesus said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

You are not alone, my dear. It just feels that way. All is not lost. You are dearly loved by so many. Turn your heart to Jesus and cling to Him..... keep Him first and foremost on your mind. He will lead you and guide you through this mourning process. Mostly, just know that you are not all alone. I am praying with you. Mommy ~

Tone said...

Hey you! remember me? its Tone.... listen, kiddo.... its not the end of the world.... you'll be fine, sweetie.... drop me an e-mail.... i miss talkin to ya....
just trust in God..... he knows what is best for you.... trust in old friends that still love you, care about you, and miss you.....
love, as always,
Tone

Pauly said...

Letting go is incredibly hard. You're stronger than me, because you can let go. I tried this past couple of weeks - at least to put distance as a precursor - and it helped not a jot, so I can sympathise some. Just remember that there are folks out there who care, and who are here for you if you need them. Don't be a stranger, OK? Huggles.