Sober since April 6, 2006


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Grateful for AA

I'm so happy to express my appreciation for Alcoholics Anonymous. The unconditional support and acceptance I have received there is simply amazing.

When I walked into my first AA meeting on January 11, I didn't know what to expect. I was afraid of being judged or turned away. I was also afraid of being smothered by fanatics. Well, neither one of those fears came true.

Even after I had been sober for 70 days, then screwed up and drank again -- I was afraid to tell anyone at first. I was afraid they would judge or criticize me. But they didn't! Instead, they just conveyed the simple down-to-earth message: "You don't have to drink today. In fact, you don't have to drink ever again." There were no egotistical "Shame on you!" speeches. They simply responded by offering more help.

Outside of the "World of AA", there is another world full of tasks that you need to complete, objectives you need to reach, and responsibilities you need to fulfill -- but just trying to stay sober takes up so much energy and effort, these other tasks seem absolutely impossible. All you know is that you've been repeatedly getting your rear-end kicked by a bottle. When dealing with a simple BOTTLE is so overwhelming for you, how on earth are you supposed to deal with bigger problems? It makes you feel so inadequate and stupid for having so much trouble doing what everyone else does.

The mental whirlwind of finding a job makes me want to drink. It's HARD to rewrite resumes, write cover letters, and fill out job applications when I feel like a completely inadequate individual, that the entire world is against me and wants me to fail. It's also difficult knowing that if any of those employers knew the TRUTH about me being a recovering alcoholic, I'd be rejected instantly.

At least when I go to AA meetings, I don't have to worry about being rejected. Nobody there wants me to fail. It's a breath of fresh air to know that there really is a group of people somewhere that wants to watch me succeed -- one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. And right now, that's the best I can do.

It's a huge step up from where I was weeks and months ago. At least I believe there is hope now.


tkdjunkie said...

rofl.... thanks :)

Richard said...

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama
Funny llama
Llama llama duck

Tone said...

That resume stuff.... remember when *I* asked *YOU* for help with mine? It is a royal pain in the arse, and is SOOOO stressful (i know you already know this), but once it is done - its done! You can do it kiddo.....
As for the AA thing... you know how i feel about it.... i've been there..... i go occasionally.... yet i occasionally drink (once every 3 months - and very happy about it) its not easy... i find myself ALWAYS looking for a bottle when stuff gets stressful and not happy..... it takes a LOT of willpower, LOTS... you're a wonderful person, and YOU CAN DO THIS... i'm super proud of you for getting help.. i asked ya to go when i was going.... do you know how many tears i cried every time i heard you were drunk? i guess God finally heard my prayers, and you're getting better... I AM SOO PROUD OF YOU!
Love, always,