Mountain of God -- Third Day

Mountain of God -- Third Day

Lyrics by Mac Powell

(Special thanks to my dear friend who gave me this awesome CD )

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn’t even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

‘Till You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn’t ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

And as I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me
With what’s in front of me

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain
Yes, I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

Overcoming Hurt

I got up this morning, and walked through the living room to get to the coffee maker. (There is no life before coffee, lmao!)

The TV was on, and a preacher was just starting a sermon. For some reason, something about the first few words caught my attention. So for the first time in years, I actually sat down and watched a sermon (OMG! *checks for a fever!)

The topic of the sermon is "Overcoming Hurt", and it's given by Creflo Dollar. This dude has some good ideas about how our reactions can make things WORSE. He's lighthearted and funny about it at times but kind of spacey at other times (especially when talking about "The Shield of Faith" and "The Word"). But overall, I saw myself in this message.

(The sermon itself is available in streaming video here: http://www.streamingfaith.com/ASX_Files/December_28,_2005_-_Overcoming_Hurt_Part_2_VOD_100k.asx )

I see now that I've been doing everything WRONG. I couldn't be MORE wrong if I TRIED!

Over the past few weeks:

• I have tried to avoid getting hurt by hurting others first;
• I've hardened my heart and become a prisoner of my own pain;
• I decided not to trust anyone anymore, and become cynical;
• I've neglected to remember my faith (ie: dropped the "Shield");
• I've compared myself to others, and belittled the miracles that God has already worked in my life;
• I haven't forgiven FREELY as an act of faith. I've been waiting to forgive until I "feel like it". But "Forgiveness is not a feeling -- it is a decision." And I haven't made that decision because I must be waiting for something (what, I don't know). But God doesn't wait for us to change. He doesn't forgive us because we try to change ourselves for Him. Instead, we experience change in our lives when we reach the amazing realization that we already are forgiven and loved just as we are. As God forgives and loves us without expecting us to EARN it, we are supposed to do the same for each other. I need to work on this ...
• My happiness has been dependent on the actions of other people;
• I keep re-living the problem, and never letting it heal. I won't shut up about it ... (OMG this part of the sermon was so ME )

And I'm sure there are many, many other things I have done wrong as well. But all I can do from here is press on, don't make the same mistakes, and FFS get over it already!

That's it for now.

Wake me Up When September Ends - Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

Maybe I don't want it to ...

This morning, I woke up feeling very ill. I was having problems breathing, and my heart was beating very strangely and rapidly. My first thought was "What if it stops beating?"

I just came across this article on CNN.com about the suicide of James Dungy, the son of Indianapolis NFL coach Tony Dungy. James was 18 years old. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/football/nfl/12/22/dungy.son.ap/index.html

It's interesting how other people's deaths seem so tragic. But in my eyes, my own death is nothing.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been wishing that I'd never been born. I was WISHING that my heart would stop beating. But this morning when it finally really felt like it was going to stop -- I truly didn't want it to. I sincerely didn't want it to stop ...

Next time I see this face
I'll say I choose to live for always
So won't you come inside And never go away
-Creed, "Faceless Man"

Alone

I often find comfort in being alone.

(I don't understand why people think there's something wrong with that)

Stupid Emotional Regurgitation

Bleh ... this is so aggrivatingly stupid! But I felt the need to write something therapeutic, notwithstanding my wayward propensity towards absolute daftness (or insanity at this point) ...


In a clumsy stutter of momentary belief
The worries of the world temporarily fade away
Encouraging my heart to be brave once more
Flying as an eagle, feeling the power of the world beneath me
Until I find myself in the deep muddy pit yet again
Having crashed down into a pathetic heap
Aching body screaming; broken heart erupting
In the silence of a world filled with the deafening roar of humanity’s agony

The silence echoes into a blasting rush of nothingness
And time seems to stop, halting a tear in mid-fall
Its sparkle glistening softly in the dim light
But the rest of the world moves on
As time grips my life firmly
There is no procession; there is no change
There is only a single tear suspended in mid-fall as the rest of the world proceeds
A stubborn tribute to broken dreams and to the equally broken and regretful heart that bore them

Looking upwards toward the sky
A faint speck of blue is hardly visible from the depths of this cold dark lair
The sun streams in as a blinding and painful reminder
And all hopes of escape are quickly dashed with the realization
That this cold darkness will forever be my home
The depravity of humanity succumbing to its power
A black hole of emotion that binds, blinds, and breaks all inklings of hope

An icy hand snags my shoulder and draws my eyes from the light
The chill from the darkness scarcely illuminated by the moist fog of my breath
And I once again find myself unable to move
Afraid to think, afraid to hope
For if every fall lands here
There will never be any true escape
The tear will forever dangle there, promising a glint of hope in its sparkle
Until it, too, freezes and dims in the muddy shadows with me
Forever companions in this dark, cold world

If ...

Been w0ndering lately ... if i could fall a million miles further, would my body finally be as br0ken as my spirit?

Angel - Sarah McLaughlin

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel “not good enough”
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angels, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angels, far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes,
I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes,
I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Good Riddance - Green Day

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go

So make the best of this test
And don’t ask why
It’s not a question
But a lesson learned in time

It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of Good health and good time

Tattoos of memories And dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth
It was worth all the while

It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

Thank You - Simple Plan

I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could come between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We'd be alright,
We'd be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I'll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back

I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won't forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I'd never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I'll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship, the good times we had you can have them back

Gone

Why should I feel sad
For what I never had
Nothing equals nothing
~&~
Madonna - Gone

Bewitched No More - Ella Fitzgerald

After one whole quart of brandy
Like a daisy, I’m awake
With no bromo-seltzer handy
I don’t even shake

Men are not a new sensation
I’ve done pretty well I think
But this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I’m wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

Couldn’t sleep and wouldn’t sleep
When love came and told me, I shouldn’t sleep
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

Lost my heart, but what of it
He is cold I agree
He can laugh, but I love it
Although the laugh’s on me

I’ll sing to him, each spring to him
And long, for the day when I’ll cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

He’s a fool and don’t I know it
But a fool can have his charms
I’m in love and don’t I show it
Like a babe in arms

Love’s the same old sad sensation
Lately I’ve not slept a wink
Since this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I’ve sinned a lot, I’m mean a lot
But I’m like sweet seventeen a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

I’ll sing to him, each spring to him
And worship the trousers that cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

When he talks, he is seeking
Words to get, off his chest
Horizontally speaking, he’s at his very best

Vexed again, perplexed again
Thank god, I can be oversexed again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

Wise at last, my eyes at last,
Are cutting you down to your size at last
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more

Burned a lot, but learned a lot
And now you are broke, so you earned a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more

Couldn’t eat, was dispeptic
Life was so hard to bear
Now my heart’s antiseptic
Since you moved out of there

Romance, finis. your chance, finis.
Those ants that invaded my pants, finis.
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more