Maybe I don't want it to ...

This morning, I woke up feeling very ill. I was having problems breathing, and my heart was beating very strangely and rapidly. My first thought was "What if it stops beating?"

I just came across this article on CNN.com about the suicide of James Dungy, the son of Indianapolis NFL coach Tony Dungy. James was 18 years old. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/football/nfl/12/22/dungy.son.ap/index.html

It's interesting how other people's deaths seem so tragic. But in my eyes, my own death is nothing.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been wishing that I'd never been born. I was WISHING that my heart would stop beating. But this morning when it finally really felt like it was going to stop -- I truly didn't want it to. I sincerely didn't want it to stop ...

Next time I see this face
I'll say I choose to live for always
So won't you come inside And never go away
-Creed, "Faceless Man"