Sober since April 6, 2006

That's
days

Thursday, October 18, 2007

used

Well apparently I've done a very good job at work. I received an excellent job review and lots of praise from my supervisor and bosses.

The impossible project they assigned to me is going well, despite the fact that I'm having to reinvent the wheel to make it happen.

I started to feel unappreciated though, when I didn't receive a salary increase with my job review. They said it was because I was promoted within the past six months, so I got my salary increase at that time instead. I didn't really like that answer, but I didn't say anything and went along with it anyway.

And then they issued the company-wide bonus checks yesterday. It's the big Annual Bonus Check. The magical check. The check everyone looks forward to receiving -- the Mark Grizwold fantasy bonus check (see the movie "Christmas Vacation").

Mine was for $25. Everyone else's was for much, much more.

I can't help but feel terribly insulted ... I didn't get a performance raise, I didn't get a bonus, and they assigned me a project that is too work-intense for them to do themselves, and too difficult for my coworkers to do. That should be worth something right?

I wanted to tell them to reverse that bonus check -- because it's insulting and I don't want it. That seems to be pride. But what's the difference between pride and standing up for yourself?

I'm not the kind of person to complain. But I really want to quit. I'm so tempted to walk away. But that would be irresponsible on my part without having another job lined up.

I don't like being angry ... I don't like making a fuss ... but I don't like being taken advantage of either.

I feel like I should say something. But I'm afraid that if I open my mouth, I'll say something regrettable. It's hard to find "balance" in something like this.

A year ago, I was so thankful to get this job. I felt so lucky to finally have a job. And although I'm still thankful to be employed, I'm resentful toward the way I'm being treated.

Maybe it's time to be thankful to get a job somewhere else.


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Note Added: October 19, 2007

I went in for a one-on-one progress meeting with my supervisor today. I was considering telling her about how I felt. But so far I hadn't mentioned any disappointment to anyone.

My supervisor entered the meeting room, but then she was followed by another supervisor, the manager, and the director. It was either going to be very good news or very bad news.

They explained that everyone received bonus checks, but mine was small because I was hired a few days after the start of the 2006 financial year. And they didn't think it was fair that my bonus was so small due to a minor technicality.

They presented me with a "Thank You" card that they had all signed, and it contained a Visa gift card for $100.

I'm very glad that I didn't voice the disappointment I felt yesterday.

It's hard to know when to shut-up and when to speak-up. Maybe that's one of those things that comes with time?

3 comments:

Khakra said...

you know junkie, there's a saying: love your job, but don't love your company. Companies can lay you off any time they want, so be a bit careful in the amount of emotion you take with your job. Separate it from your personal life. Yes, sure, make friends, have a great time at work, but be smart too that anyday could be your last, and prepare for it. Never, never, have an emotional breakdown at your workplace. It's always important to be calm when chatting or approaching a task. If you have to cuss, cuss in your mind, like you did, or go and sit outside for a few minutes. Always works.

And check job websites to see what's available out there. No harm in doing that!

In the end, it really is the complex projects that set you apart from the competition. If you succeed at it, that should get you the promotion your looking for. That said, no need to take crap at work for long. If you feel like you're at the short end of the stick, start looking elsewhere.

Dharmashanti said...

It is the nature of companies to pay their employees just enough to keep them there and no more. You will never be paid what you're worth.

I used to have a job with a company that for several years seemed like a dream job. It was challenging and I was encouraged to grow. I imagined that I would retire there.

But all things are impermanent. Jobs change. Supervisors come and go. Companies come and go. Jobs are created and eliminated.

To maintain your serenity, you must let go of your expectations because expectations are pre-meditated resentments. Resentments kill.

Thanks for sharing your frustrations and honest feelings!

Peace,
Dharma

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