Sober since April 6, 2006


Sunday, November 26, 2006

nerves of squeal

Okay, so ALL of the stepwork I've been doing for the past few weeks is going to be presented to my sponsor this afternoon.

I'm scared as hell.

It's only Step 1 -- which I've done with another sponsor before. My new sponsor wanted to start at the beginning, which is fine by me. I'm at the point that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to work this program correctly. My way does not work. I'm just damn lucky that I've stayed dry for this long and that anyone is willing to sponsor me!

It's hilarious how nervous I am. I did everything she asked me to do with complete honesty and openness. Maybe that's why I'm so nervous ...

But anyway, I'm grateful to be sober today. I'm so grateful for the awesome people in this program. I don't have to be alone anymore. I normally call two alcoholics every day. But yesterday, I called 11. Had to leave voicemails with most of them -- I only got to talk with four. But I'm so grateful for those four! I'm fortunate that anyone is willing to talk to me at all.

So for the rest of the day, I'll try not to be a nervous wreck. It's just a step, not a witch trial. Unless my sponsor has a firing squad pole in her back yard with my name on it, everything should go okay :)

PS ... If I'm this nervous about Step 1, WTF am I going to do about Step 5?


An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Ah Bless. Doing ANYTHING' properly is scary. most people just blob along on auto pilot. being scared is a good sign as it means you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. don't worry you'll be fine. i think a good step 1 is quite tough. dont worry about st 5. you'll be ready for it when you've finished st 4. it all takes care of itself! Step 1 is quite big because its the first time we let people get to know us. well i think so..
Good luck with it anyway. im sure you're higher power will take good care of you..

Anonymous said...

Put step 5 on your step 4 fear list :-) see ya!!

Anonymous said...

Just focus one step 1....after that..than the next step...focusing on all the steps at the same time would freak anyone the old addage goes.."How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time..."....

you'll get there...praying for you..