Sober since April 6, 2006

That's
days

Monday, November 06, 2006

glass half empty

While getting dressed this morning, a series of thoughts ran through my head that perfectly captured my innate tendency to always see the worst side of everything in life.

I was in a hurry and hastily decided on an outfit. But I quickly realized that my slacks didn't fit. They were too big. I had apparently lost weight since I wore them last.

Now, I have been trying to lose weight over the past month. I have been eating healthy and exercising. But this morning when I realized that my slacks didn't fit, I became angry with myself for losing weight.

Ummm ... hello? Why on earth would anyone get upset for getting exactly what they wanted? But that's precisely what I did.

I see a similar pattern with other things in my life. Blessings are often first greeted with resentment and suspicion. In my mind, anything that seems too good to be true is too good to be true. Anything that seems to exceed my expectations must be a ticking time bomb waiting to go off the moment I trust it.

But deep down inside, I know that it really doesn't matter if something happens in my favor or against it. What happens, happens. It is what it is.

"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."

I would like to get better at perceiving things around me in a more balanced perspective.


Today, I'm especially grateful for ...

  • being 214 days sober
  • making it to a meeting tonight
  • AA buddies online and off
  • learning to call AA buddies
  • my nice family
  • a nice comfortable bed ... I'm so tired
  • coffee tomorrow morning
  • God, who helps me when I let go

7 comments:

lash505 said...

Oh yes that was a good post for me..

Trudging said...

Learning to call is a huge one. If you have that down in less than a year, you are years ahead of most of us.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

'Blessings are often first greeted with resentment and suspicion. In my mind, anything that seems too good to be true is too good to be true. Anything that seems to exceed my expectations must be a ticking time bomb waiting to go off the moment I trust it.'

thats GREAT! i find the more 'success' i experience in recovery, the MORE i experience this type of thinking. but i am realy lucky as i have some awesome things in my life. so i'm not really such a freak for feeling its all too good to be true! i think a lot of 'normal' people would feel the same way if they felt as blessed as i do.

Sober Chick said...

I understand the "to good to be true" It is difficult to learn to lower our expectaions because disappointment can be so harsh. You are doing great, keep on rockin'!

Mark said...

Nice post - really real :)

"I would like to get better at perceiving things around me in a more balanced perspective."

Me too!!! lol...

SCoUt said...

I can always see more growth when I come to your site.
You rock, girl.
Work those steps with your new sponsor now.
Peace,
Scout

Deb said...

Nice chunk of insight. Thanks!