Sober since April 6, 2006


Saturday, October 21, 2006

wow, i'm such a newbie

I had the good fortune of attending three meetings today. The first two were speaker meetings. I got to hear two awesome speakers share their unique stories. I have no idea how people do that. I would be scared to death!

The third meeting tonight was open discussion. Just when I was starting to feel comfortable with the idea of sharing, the topics ventured outside my realm of experience. I was so grateful to be able to sit, listen, and learn.

I used to know someone (outside of AA) who responded to everybody's problems with a standard universally applicable response: "Well, at least you're not on fire." His reasoning was that if you didn't get set on fire today, then whatever shitty things that happened to you couldn't have been that bad in comparison.

It sounds like a rude and demented response, but its sadistic humor got me through some tough times in the past and still gets me through them today. However, sharing that with someone in an AA meeting wouldn't exactly help them! (You see, this is why I sit and listen through meetings ... I need to learn more so that I will eventually have something useful to share.)

So I am once again left in awe of the wisdom and generosity of the people in this program. The old-timers / long-timers knew exactly what to say. They always do. I'm so grateful that they keep coming back to these meetings and sharing their experience, strength, and hope. There are reasonable answers to every life issue, even though they are often not what we want to hear. Usually the answer we like the least is the best one for us.

Tonight was a learning experience. If only I could sit and listen to a thousand meetings, maybe I'd get a tiny bit smarter and more helpful. Or more likely, I just need to live sober and work the program for a few decades. (Of course that's the right answer -- it's the more difficult one!)

Today, I'm especially thankful for ...

  • being 198 "DAMN days" sober!
  • the awesome and patient folks in AA who keep coming back and the brave souls who share their experience, strength, and hope
  • "butt trusted?!" (joke at my homegroup ... see tradition #2)
  • fellow bloggers who keep posting
  • my reliable car, which gets me to meetings
  • my nice family and adorable dog
  • God, because today I have witnessed Him using alcoholics to help each other


Gale said...

Hello. I found your blog randomly through the "Next Blog" link.

You mention you have nothing useful to share. Neither do I. What do I know about addiction, about what that's like? Nothing. I have nothing I can say. And yet I wanted just to reach toward you, tell you I am moved by your words, and wish you all the best on your many journeys.

I hear you. I see you. Even knowing little about you, I cheer you on.

So I can't help you in any way, and have no wisdom to impart. But I think you have ample wisdom of your own.

Perhaps you do not share because you are afraid of saying the "wrong" thing. Might I ask, what would happen if you did? Do you think people would turn cold to you? If they did, do you think it would last?

You will not be perfect. You will say things and wish you said other things. That's ok! We learn by mistakes, ideally by mistakes in safe places. You only want to speak when you are sure you can help someone. That's a high bar, if by help you mean solve someone's problems. In the end, people must solve their own problems, even when told how to do so. Sometimes just affirming people is welcome. And sometimes... the person you help is you. I wonder if sharing will help you, as you realize that you can take that risk and still be welcome and cherished. Perhaps that is part of what this blog is for.

You communicate wonderfully. When you are ready, you will open like a flower. You are filled with so much love -- love is spilling out of you -- you will not stay closed. All things in good time.

Christina Gordon said...

2 more dayz and youll be 200 dayz im so happy for you and your doing good just remember one day at a time!!! whoohooo

Trudging said...

Three meeting, good job!

recoveryroad said...

The 'old timers' / 'long timers' are passing on to you what was passed on to them as you will pass it on to a new newbie in turn.

Cool, eh?


Mark said...

Another - WOW!

What gale has offered you in her comment made me go - WOW! I haven't heard good stuff like that in many moons and I'd like to tell gale thanks :)

Plus - you were found through the "next Blog" link? Hmmmmm :)

There are no coincidences.

tkdjunkie said...

Aww thanks, Gale! That's so sweet of you to stop by and leave such a nice comment!

And a big thanks Christina, Trudging, RecoveryRoad, and Mark. You guys are all awesome :)

Gwen said...

I like the at least your not on fire comment and pic ;)

It is a way of putting things into perspective. It could be more like ...
at least I am not drunk
at least I am sober
at least I am healthy
at least I have a program
and on and on and on and on.

Sort of the quick gratitude. I am really grateful I am not on fire ;)

What fun ~ weeeee

Mary Christine said...

""""I just need to live sober and work the program for a few decades"""
It works, it really does.

lash505 said...

That is great.. another is your ass falling off. I feel that way sometimes.

Deb said...

Congrats on your 198 days! I see that the Grapevine has a "count your days" converter. Cool beans. Keep up the good work.

doughgirl said...

.....If only I could sit and listen to a thousand meetings...I cannot tell you how fast you just brought me back to the first 6 months of my sobriety. I remember saying the same exact thing and I realize how important that one little statement was today. Thanks for sharing...I needed that :)