Sober since April 6, 2006

That's
days

Friday, September 22, 2006

not-so-awesome post

We interrupt this "Insightful Post Marathon" with an overly-emotional entry:

I feel like I've been crying nonstop for a month, but I haven't shed a single tear. I'm exhausted, stomach twisted into knots, growing increasingly frustrated with myself, and wishing I'd never applied for that job to "win" my boyfriend back. (See? And you people thought I was smart or something ...)

It looks like I'm going to get the job, but I really don't want it anymore after hearing more about it in that second interview. Of course, being the socially-defective idiot that I am, I was too scared and embarrassed to tell the interviewer how I really felt. Someone please slap me.

I feel like can no longer trust any emotion or thought. I can't tell whether I'm thinking alcoholically or sanely. It feels like my mind is constantly alternating between the two, and I don't know how to tell the difference between them yet.

That's all :)

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming ...

2 comments:

NMAMFQLMSH said...

I can only speak for myself and I know that it takes a long time for my head to tell my heart that it will be o.k.
Please do what is best for you right now so early on in your recovery.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I see you,
JJ

Tab said...

do what ever you feel you need to do for today to stay sober ..chances are you are not insane but ...healing,growing,evolving..
sometimes all that can hurt like hell especially when most feelings have been numbed by drinking or other things.Wishing you serenity.
Thanks for sharing~