Sober since April 6, 2006


Friday, April 28, 2006

Lonely ...

Feeling so lonely today. It's difficult to adjust when you spent every hour of every day for over a year chatting with someone who has now blocked you from chat, and whose formerly warm emails are now stiffened with the cold formality normally reserved for strangers. It's difficult to accept the new "distance" when you're accustomed to finishing each other's sentences and being the best of buddies. But that's just how things go.

Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. That kind of stuff happens to everyone.

But I still miss him. I miss being friends, playing games, joking around, and having fun.

It's odd how things turn out. I keep telling myself, "It's for the best" and "He's happier this way." That helps -- it really does.

But sometimes I start wondering if he misses me too, or if he even thinks about me. It shouldn't matter. It's a silly thing to care about anyway. But for some reason, it matters sometimes.

It's just another thing to find peace with. At least it isn't anything major -- like dealing with death/illness of a loved one. But sometimes, it really feels like a death ... a death that I caused.

Why do emotions have to be so incredibly complicated?


Tone said...

awwwh, kiddo.... its all gonna be ok.... feeling lonely happens even if you are around someone.... connected with someone... its strange how lonely pops up in the wierdest places, at the wierdest times. its as though lonely is that old friend that you wish you could never see again that always shows up to remind you how you went to school without any pants on. that annoying freak that you're ashamed of even knowing... lonely is quite like that...
but, the cool thing is -- lonely is a state of mind. its quick to change....
btw -- i dont know if you got my email or not... i have been having hotmail issues....
Love, always,

tkdjunkie said...

Thanks Tone -- "Lonely" pops in every now and then. But that's okay. We all go through it, and we all get over it. Such is life. I'm getting better ... or maybe it's just the new meds kicking in :D

Thanks for the email! (Sorry I don't check that one very often.) You're very sweet :)

Take care!