Sober since April 6, 2006


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Sober another day :)

Today, I really wanted to drink.

It was a sad and stressful day today. Sad from the pain of losing my best friend/boyfriend last week, and stressful for reasons related to finding a job (and I MUST find one -- I put in two weeks' notice at my current job) -- but especially for knowing that a beloved family member is going to have surgery tomorrow. This kind of stuff makes me want to drink.

Went to two AA meetings today. In fact, I've attended two meetings every day for the past week. The meetings seem to help. Simply talking with other alcoholics and getting to know them better helps me to feel less ... "freaky". They say that during the first several months of sobriety, you go a little crazy (well, in the words of an old-timer at a meeting tonight: "you go absolutely bat sh*t crazy"). Mentally, you still think like a drunk person thinks, and you respond to situations in similar ways that a drunk person would respond (though with a tiny bit more control). But emotionally, you feel as if you are allergic to your own skin. You don't know who you are anymore. You don't feel comfortable existing -- which is exactly how I've been feeling since I stopped drinking in January.

And all this time, I thought there was something wrong with me personally. There were several times in which I thought I was literally having nervous breakdowns. It helps to know that all of the emotional/mental discomfort I've been experiencing is completely NORMAL and will PASS.

Getting through these past few days without a drink has been pure hell. Heck, I've somehow lost 10 pounds over the past week through remorse, guilt, worry, etc. But I'm SO glad that I abstained from the drink. Thanks to God for helping me through.

To anyone else out there struggling, just remember: "You don't have to drink today."

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