Sober since April 6, 2006


Monday, January 02, 2006

smacktard of 2005 (and 06)

I feel sick. Whatever I say, whatever I do -- all it does is bring hurt. I don't understand what's going on ... I want to help make things better, but I don't know how!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm completely inadequate as a person and I hate myself for that.

I just wish you could be happy. But I don't know how to make that happen!

1 comment:

Chris said...

My current signature on Stuff is this:

Don't be the person you think everyone else wants you to be, just be who you are.

You claim you are inadequate as a person. What would be your basis for that? You also say "I just wish you could be happy", .. /you/ could be happy ..
I may be being presumptious but it sounds like you are trying to be the person someone else wants you to be. By doing that I don't think you can ever be happy, especially if it means you have to be someone other than who you are.

The reason is simply that you are you, whoever that is. Trying to change yourself for the sake of someone elses need/desire/demand may make you happier for a little while but you aren't likely to be able to keep up with their needs and you will feel inadequate once again. Apart from that, you will wind up resenting the other person. Doubly apart from that, you may end up back on the drink to escape.

Instead, and I have personal experience of this, you should concentrate on just being your own person. Live for yourself. If other people don't like you then that's just an incompatibility and it's not likely to ever work out. A blunt way of putting it, but not untrue.

I don't know you that well really. I don't know the problems you face, your daily life or anything really. I just want you to know that one of the most valuable keys to my own happiness was repeating the text of the sig to myself and then enforcing it.
Some people don't like me - fine. I don't like some other people - fine. I'm happy as I am and they're happy as they are. We'll find new friends. As you will, if it becomes necessary.

I wish you luck in your search for happiness.